I’m a sadist. It’s not specifically a desire to cause pain though. I know, a contradiction; I’ll try to explain.

I want my partner to feel. To feel whatever it is I’m doing so intensely that what I am causing her to feel becomes the entire focus of her mind. Most often this desire leads me to cause her pain, intense pain. That’s not always the case though.

Extremely intense emotion, extremely intense physical sensation, these are what I seek to bring forth and those need not manifest within her as pain. If I’m fucking her I have no desire to cause her pain with my cock, but I want her to feel it as intensely as she would a single-tail whip upon her back. I want to fuck her so hard, with such intensity, for so long a duration that no thought beyond the sensation she is feeling can enter her mind. If we are playing in less physical ways, if I am demanding service from her I look for little things that are extremely difficult for her to perform mentally or emotionally. Things that will be difficult enough that they become her entire focus for a short time.

Roxanne and I engage in a great deal of classic S/m, simple, old time pain play. That is I think our most common form of play in the dungeon and in the bedroom. Often though we explore other ways of feeling. It seems that number two for us is fear. I delight in watching fear build within her, watching it slowly move to overtake her. Recently I spent a great deal of time running my tongue all over her body. It was an amazing scene for us because she felt it with shocking intensity. It came directly upon the heels of some very intense biting, biting which she thought was continuing. Thus, after enough time, enough buildup, my little tongue, rubbing gently upon her body became a cause of intense fear, terror for her. I got to look into her eyes and see terror there, to feel her struggles and feel the flight or fight response actively playing out there, to listen to the amazing cries my gentle attentions ripped from her throat.

For whatever reason our shared makeup does seem to make it easy for me to bring fear right to the surface within Roxanne, and I can carefully nurture and grow that fear. While most of our play may be more traditionally focused S/m, fear play is I think my favorite form of play with her for she feels it in a simply amazing way and getting her to feel is what it’s all about for me.